The College Comparison Game: How Senior Year Becomes a Comparison Landmine

Senior year, a capstone of childhood in many ways. It’s the last time to walk the halls, cruise the streets, and play on your local teams. For some teens, this final year is a relief. They’re itching to leave their hometown and create a new life for themselves. For others, it’s riddled with anxiety as they face what feels like the end of childhood and the beginning of adulthood. 

I want to normalize the fact that different kids have different reactions to this final year. I also want to normalize that the same kid can have different reactions throughout this final year. They might swing from racing toward the finish line one day to feeling paralyzed by anxiety the next. 

Let’s talk about the different stages of senior year. 

Phase 1: Applications

Where you are applying suddenly becomes the talk of the town. The college flags hanging in your teachers’ classrooms start to feel all the more real. This is the moment you and your child have been daydreaming about for years. 

This stage is often filled with both hope and self doubt. Teens imagine getting accepted into their dream school while simultaneously preparing to get rejected from every college they applied to. These doubts might show up as college-focused students suddenly talking about not wanting to go to college, creating “backup” plans, or saying it would be “the end of the world” if they don’t get in. 

In the information age, we may simply know too much. Teens today are flooded with TikToks from college advisors ranking extracurricular activities, analyzing GPAs, and fueling comparisons with people they’ve never met…and will never meet. 

Phase 2: Purgatory

The applications are in, and there’s nothing left to do but wait. Some days feel calm, while others are filled with anticipation. The hard part about this stage is that everyone is on a different timeline. Early action and early decision which typically comes out in December. Regular decisions are usually release in March or April. Rolling admissions happen on an ongoing basis. 

Let me break down a scenario for you. A classmate applies to the University of Alabama in August when applications open. Since ‘Bama is rolling admission with a quick turnaround, they get their acceptance letter shortly after Labor Day. That means your kid sits next to their friend rocking that crimson sweatshirt while they wait in agony, hoping they’ll soon be able to proudly rep their own school’s colors. Just imagine how that might feel.

Phase 3: Decision Day

You’re in or you’re out. Celebration or heart break in one email. 

Decision day is a doozy. Months of anticipation and anxiety all lead to one notification. Of course, my hope is that every child gets into their dream school, but that simply isn’t the case.  

It’s important to prepare for either outcome and reduce the pressure placed on any one school. The truth is, there are likely many schools where your child can thrive. Remind them of that. 

If your child is devastated, let them be devastated. Sit with them. Watch their favorite movie. Offer to bring them their favorite meal. Ride out the storm together. They may want to curl up in their room and be alone… and maybe that’s okay, at least for today. 

Here are some things to consider: 

• There is no escape. At school, they’re flooded by conversations, questions, and a sea of college sweaters. At home, their algorithm is filled with college reveals (like literally this). Be their sanctuary. Follow their lead. Don’t make every conversation about college. Remind them that you love them no matter what path they take. 

• It’s not the best four years of your life, it’s the next four years of your life. College is not the end-all be-all, so let’s avoid talking about it as if it is. Doing so only increases our kids’ anxiety.  

• Outsource when you can. Some schools have a college advisors. Some families hire private counselors. Others lean on older siblings or aunties/uncles. If you’re the only one managing every part of the college process with your child, it can add barrels of gasoline to an already ticking time bomb. Don’t let college become the primary source of conflict in your home. 

• Apply strategically. As I mentioned, schools release decisions on different timelines. In addition to applying to reach schools, match schools, and safety schools, some students also consider response times. Applying to a few rolling admission schools can help students receive an acceptance early, which may ease some of the stress leading up to the bigger decision days. 

• Focus on fit, not prestige. Of course we want our teens to attend the best school possible, but even more importantly, we want them to attend the best school for them. A strong cultural fit and social fit can be the difference between your child calling home in two months in tears or calling to tell you about the amazing friends they’ve made. 

Senior year is certainly one to remember. In time, everything will work out, and this season of highs and lows will look different in hindsight. While you’re living through it, remember that comparison is the thief of joy. Enjoy the process together. 

Supporting your teen starts with supporting yourself. As a parent, remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Self-care is critical not only for your own wellbeing but also for your child’s. That’s why Between Us is excited to announce our first ever Women's Wellness Retreat at a beachfront resort in Sayulita, Mexico. Spend a weekend reconnecting with yourself while learning practical tools to manage the stress and burnout that can come with parenting. 

Yours In Service, 

Christina King, LMFT 145704