Is It Gossip or Is It Venting?

If you are raising a teenage daughter, I imagine you have seen the impact of gossip and rumors. It’s easy for teens, and adults, to get confused when something is venting and something is gossip. But knowing the difference is important. 

On the surface, they can look the same. Both gossip and venting tend to encompass discussing someone else - what someone did, how they acted, etc. They can be used to connect with a friend, get something off your chest, and process grievances. 

As a society, we tend to believe venting is appropriate and gossiping is inappropriate. But when does one cross over into the other? Let’s take a look at the difference. 

We all have a tough day at work or school and come home to vent to someone we trust. Whether it’s your partner, favorite coworker, or that trusted group chat - we have our people. 

Venting tends to help us talk through our frustrations. As we talk through it, our emotional charge lowers and we gain clarity on what’s actually bothering us. While someone else might be the subject of our frustration, the focus is on how it impacted us. 

Venting says, “this is how I feel about what happened.”

Gossip, on the other hand, tends to attack someone’s character. The focus is less on how it impacted you, and more on judging, critiquing, or trying to feel superior. The conversation often starts with, “did you hear…” The emotional charge rises as the conversation continues and more information gets added.  

Gossip says, “Let me tell you what they did.”

I find teenage girls can use gossip to create a false sense of friendship. It becomes a source of entertainment and a perceived sense of closeness, as if you are sharing secrets. 

This gets extra dicey when it happens in a friend group. I find speaking about friends within the same group leads to tension, isolation, and a “toxic” culture. Group members might feel pressured to take sides, feel hurt and betrayed, and weaken the bond between one another.  

Before you share some juicy information you learned. Here are some questions to ask yourself: 

• What am I trying to get out of sharing this information?

• Am I targeting someone else’s character? 

• How do my emotions change as I share? 

• Is the conversation based on my emotions or someone else’s behavior? 

• Am I repeatedly talking about a specific person? 

• Am I talking about a situation with someone involved or close to the affiliated parties?  

• Am I sharing private information?

• How would this person feel if they found out I shared this about them? 

If you are looking for a therapist, please reach out to me at christina@christinakingfamilytherapy.com.

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Yours In Service, 

Christina King, LMFT 145704